Postcard from Chicago: Love and Politics

We don’t often think of a marriage celebration as a political act.

But when the couple in question have been together for 19 years, and only now are “allowed” to be married, it becomes so.  And I am only too happy to be party to it, in both meanings of that noun.

So it was that I traveled to Chicago last weekend for the marriage celebration of Dan Ware, the owner of Toto Tours for whom I’m fortunate enough to be a tour host from time to time, and his longtime partner, Jonathan Lewis.

As with any marriage, the friends and  families of both sides came together to celebrate, only everyone was on the grooms’ sides.  The Lewis clan was there in force — Jonathan’s three siblings and their sons and daughters and grandchildren.

And then there were the Wares, which was particularly touching: Dan’s wife Tedi from his first marriage, their two adult children, Anton and Alexis, Anton’s wife Gloria, and Dan’s two grandsons, Adrian and in his first appearance to his grandparents, 2-month-old Henri.  This is modern family.

The Wares: Tedi, Henri, Alexis, Aton, Dan, Adrain and Gloris Hsu. (Photo: Hima Pamoedjo)

 

Grandpa Dan and Henri

While the children ran around the yard, blowing bubbles and knocking over the occasional plastic glass of red wine carelessly left in the grass; while the caterers circulated with trays of hors d’oeuvres; while the toasts were raised to the happy couple, it was easy to forget that less than a year ago, we could not have had this party.

Or we could have had a party to celebrate this relationship — but it would have been on the occasion of a commitment ceremony or a domestic partnership, not a state-sanctioned marriage with all the attendant rights and benefits.  It would not have been a political act.

We are fortunate enough to live in a mostly-functioning democracy.  Power is passed from party to party at regular intervals on the basis of the majority vote, generally without the losers resorting to violence or terror.  In this regard, the rule of the majority is a good thing.

But one of the most important roles of government in a pluralistic democracy such as we live in here in the United States is to protect minorities within that democracy from the tyranny of the majority.  The majority gets to rule, except when the majority chooses to restrict the rights of others, or to preserve for themselves rights and privileges they are unwilling to grant to others in the society.

As of today, the majority of states in the U.S. — 31 of them — ban same-sex marriage either by constitutional amendment, state law, or both.  The government of democracy still needs to do its job in those states.  And until the 31st of them does, or the federal government does its job in situations like this,  being party to parties like this lovely party remains a political act.

And  then, of course, there is love; which is what this is really about.

I asked Dan if I could read a poem during the toasts, which he was happy for me to do.  It’s by e. e. cummings, and I thought it was particularly appropriate for a couple who are often continents apart for weeks at a time.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Here’s to Dan and Jonathan and 19 years of carrying each other’s heart in their heart.  And here’s to continuing to carry a torch for what’s right, until the job is done.

Jonathan Lewis & Dan Ware, July 19, 2014